Saturday 31 October 2020

Zeus is a Dick by Susie Donkin

In the beginning, everything was fine.* And then along came Zeus.

*more or less

Ahh Greek myths. Those glorious tales of heroism, honour and... petty squabbles, soap-opera drama and more weird sex than Fifty Shades of Grey could shake a stick at!

It's about time we stopped respecting myths and started laughing at them - because they're really very weird. Did you know Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty, was born of some discarded genitals? Or that Hera threw her own son off a mountain because he was ugly? Or that Apollo once kidnapped a boat full of people while pretending to be a dolphin?

And let's not even get started on Zeus - king of the gods, ruler of the skies and a man who's never heard of self-control. In fact, if there's one thing most Greek myths have in common, it's that all the drama could have been avoided if SOMEONE could keep it in their toga...

Horrible Histories writer Susie Donkin takes us on a hilarious romp through mythology and the many times the gods (literally) screwed everything up! Stephen Fry's Mythos by way of Drunk History, Zeus is a Dick is perfect for those who like their myths with a heavy dollop of satire.

"It's about time someone called him out on all this." - Hera, Goddess of Marriage, wife of Zeus

"Worst. Father. Ever." - Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, daughter of Zeus

"Oh yeah, focus on him. I never did anything wrong. Nothing to see here." - Poseidon, God of the Seas, brother of Zeus

"Just a real dick, honestly." - Many, many people 

Rather a disappointment, sadly.

I was hoping for a nice, funny take on Greek myths; there's plenty of humour in there, after all. And the author worked on Horrible Histories, one of the best TV series ever. What I got was a stream of consciousness ramble where all the myths are taking place nowadays, until they aren't for a joke; so Danae is rescued from her island by a match she made on Tinder, but Apollo's joke falls flat because he's referencing a band that doesn't exist (yet). 

It's not even easy to read, as everything is crammed together and punctuation is very haphazard. So you get sections like this:

And Aphrodite is all, this is my line, and Zeus goes Well I reply with this, and Athena butts in but don't forget about me and I'm still here says Ares.

It makes it very hard to follow, and the way the stories jump around doesn't help. Plus the whole thing just stops dead after referencing some things that are due to happen.

It's not all awful. The idea of it - treating the myths as a sort of giant soap opera and laughing at the ridiculousness - is good, and there are spots where the tone is fantastic. Overall, though, I'm afraid I won't be rereading.




Zeus is a Dick publishes on the 5th November, 2020.

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